


Sunshine, Lollipops and Foundries

by DigiConjurer



Series: The unsorted adventures of Princess Byleth and the Black Eagles [48]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Black Eagles Route, Multi, Paralogue, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Why we can't have nice things, chapter 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 02:34:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23177797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigiConjurer/pseuds/DigiConjurer
Summary: In which we have our first paralogue. A chapter early. Because there's really nothing else going on in Chapter 5.
Relationships: Dorothea Arnault/My Unit | Byleth
Series: The unsorted adventures of Princess Byleth and the Black Eagles [48]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1463725
Kudos: 3





	1. Dorothea Rage

I don't own Fire Emblem.

* * *

In between the attempts by her father to get her wedded and the flirting of a certain redhead, the lady knight wished some times for freedom. Freedom to make her own choices in the face of people who thought they knew what was best for her. Maybe she could find a girl who liked her and wished to be the squire to her knight. Or something along those lines. She would even take someone like Bernadetta. If Bernadetta wasn’t taken, of course. Except she was, by the heir to the Adrestian Empire of all people. Some people just have all the luck, don’t they?

“So what seems to be the problem?” Byleth inquired, watching her guest take a deep breath. After, their gaze turned to Dorothea. Doesn’t explain why the opera singer gave a thumbs up in return. While this seemed like the sort of mercenary work she and her father would do, something about this seemed different.

Maybe it was the fact that she didn’t really know this lady was, outside of her name. She seemed capable at least. But that was to be expected.

“I need your help in sending a clear message to my father.” Ingrid explained, splitting her gaze between both women. While they were both listening, would either of them agree to help her here? “He’s put me up with another man and I need to drive the point home that I’m going to choose the people I date.”

Byleth nodded, Ingrid taking the time to pull out a letter. Quite a fancy one, with all sorts of gold leaf and fancy hearts decorating the paper. Of course, it also looks like parts of that have been taped back together.

_ To my absolute beloved golden maiden, _

_ You have the most beautiful hair and the heftiest of wallets. I love it when you kick my ass, for your words matter not for- _

Before the rest of the letter can be read by me or Byleth, Dorothea scooped the letter up and ripped it to shreds. Very tiny shreds, which were then burned to ashes by one of her stones. That’s quite excessive for something as simple as this letter. Which just begs the question on what the opera singer would do if something big were to happen. Such as a war or her girlfriend disappearing on her.

“That dumb fuck…” she snarled, fist slamming into the table. Byleth and Ingrid step up out of their chairs and give her some space. But not Sothis. Didn’t even flinch. But that could be the result of her focus being solely on the 3DS. “I had hoped he learned his lesson after I dumped him in a dumpster.”

Byleth gave her girlfriend a look. While the image she had of Dorothea was of someone capable of great strength, this was not the reaction she had expected out of the opera singer.

“You know this guy?” the professor inquired and watched her girlfriend nod, followed by her scooping the ashes up and throwing it away.

“I dated him.” Dorothea explained as she made her way back over to the table. Of all the people Ingrid’s dad could choose to have date his daughter, he went this fucker. Was he really that tone deaf when it came to judging people. Let alone someone who would be the heir to his fortune? That was a recipe for disaster that for some reason, only she could see for some reason. It was absolutely annoying. Why was it that these kinds of people who always showed back up in her life? “Absolute scum. I left him in a dumpster in the hopes that he would get the message. Sadly, he didn’t.”

Ingrid's gaze shot back over. While Dorothea had promised Byleth would help her, it seemed as if this was almost not necessary here. The opera singer was her friend - hell or high water. Heck, not even war could do anything to change that fact. Which made her the perfect to go to for a problem like this. But this changed things.

“You shoved him into a dumpster?” the knight remarked, getting a nod from the opera singer in return. Her ears couldn’t believe what she was hearing. There was no way that could be true. There just couldn’t.

“He was trying to scam the opera company.” Dorothea explained, her statement totally clearing it up. Not really. If anything, that just raises even more questions for us. But for now, it was the least of their worries.

“So how can I help you then?” Byleth continued, gaze shifting to Ingrid. Not before giving her girlfriend one more look. Just for good measure.

“I need you to help me get rid of him. Maybe for good.” Ingrid explained, only for a set of boxes to appear in front of Byleth. Okay, I’m not sure why those are here. Maybe some mysterious entity decided that this was more important to solve through a method that wasn’t speaking. Heck if I know.

[I’m ready to do this]

[Maybe later?]

“You alright there, Byleth?” Dorothea inquired, the professor’s gaze snapping back over. Taking a deep breath, a nod followed. Even more so as both she and Ingrid found their gazes also focusing on these boxes. Even Sothis’s attention had found her way towards the boxes.

“Which should I pick?” Byleth asked and gazed back to both options. On one hand, the maybe later seemed like the better option. But that was also likely to not get her anything or really help in the long run.

“Here goes nothing.” the professor explained and pushed the top button. The world around them swirled about, everything becoming a blur.

When it finally did stop, we find ourselves smack dab in the middle of a foundry. With almost all the other black eagles. No Edelgard or Bernadetta. Okay. I’m not sure that’s supposed to happen. At all.

Nor does this explain why the heck there’s a glowing spot at the far end of the area. This is going to be fun.


	2. 10 little students standing in a Foundry

I don't own Fire Emblem.

* * *

Unamused.

Of all the words that Hubert had been ‘forced’ to learn while dating Ferdinand, this one always stuck out to him the most. Maybe it was because that was what his boyfriend used to describe his mood when things weren’t going their way. Or maybe it just had a nice sound to it. Ferdinand had claimed that there was still one more surprise in store for the dark mage. While he doubted this was what the cavalier had in mind, it was ‘technically’ a surprise. Not a very good surprise mind you, but still somehow a surprise of sorts for Hubert. So he did keep his promise. Kinda.

"You alright?" Ferdinand whispered, a thumbs-up serving as his boyfriend's response for the moment. What had started as a romantic morning date had spiraled into a class assignment of all things. Sure, there was something romantic about watching Hubert reduce bandits to a pile of organs without a single regret. But sometimes, he wanted something… more personal.

“So why are we all in the middle of a foundry?” the dark mage announced, everyone’s gazes turning to Byleth at the moment. To be fair, I don’t think your professor knows either. She clicked a button and… boom. We were now here.

“Because we’re helping Ingrid with something.” Byleth explained, pointing to Ingrid. In turn, the knight gave a wave to everyone. Though, there is a bit of hesitation at the moment.

“I need to dump a suitor by way of my father.” Ingrid explained, gaze shifting to Mercedes. Who per usual, was called to this as she was coming off of a job. You really need to start timing this stuff a hell of a lot better than you have been. “Uh, Mercedes, why are you dressed like a hooker?”

Mercedes chuckled, thoughts of whipping Ingrid filling her head for the moment. While she doubted that Ingrid would actually take her up on the offer for any of her services, she looked like she needed some kind of stress relief. Or something healthier than kicking Sylvain’s ass when he copped a feel her way or tried to get her to go on a date. But that was according to one of her clients at least. While that client was a trusted friend, she could at least corroborate their claim. Maybe even have a story to tell at the end of this.

“She brings relief to tired people, or something.” Petra chimed in and got a look from her girlfriend. Taking a cautious step back, what looks to be Mercedes’s whip makes it way over. At least compared to Mercedes, she’s at least dressed in the actual uniform. Which automatically makes her only the third properly dressed person here. “She’s a dom.”

Ingrid stared toward Petra, unsure if the words she had just heard were the truth. Believe me, I was quite shocked when I heard it myself. But now, it’s just a normal part of this weird world that we call Fodlan. No less weirder than any of the stuff that happens here in Hoshido and Nohr on a daily basis. This is just… normal for us. Well, me at least since Nyx hasn’t quite gotten up yet. Hopefully she does so soon. I really want to eat breakfast with her and it’s getting cold. But, my wife needs her beauty sleep. She puts in a lot of long nights for her work and it’s only fair for me to let her sleep just a bit longer.

“That still doesn’t explain why you’re decked out in latex.” Ingrid continued, the whip finding its way over to her. If that’s what you’re going to call out, at least turn your attention to all the other people dressed in just their pajamas. Yes, this is the weekend and all. But some of you really need to put your shirts back on. Especially as everyone’s gaze turned to Caspar and 

“Uh, may we be excused?” Caspar inquired, Byleth’s gaze already making his way over. Except she looked more confused than anything. Oh dear. Please tell me she has some general idea on how anatomy works. Right?

“Dorothea, what’s that thing?” Byleth whispered, her girlfriend tried her darndest to not erupt into giggles. Crud. Of course she has no clue when it comes to anatomy. Because of course she doesn’t. You would think Gareg Mach would at least make sure that their new hires had the basics covered. But no, that would be asking for too much effort for the poor morons. Fuck. Corrin actually made sure she wasn’t dating someone who might be related to her after the little bombshell that Azura dropped on her. Yeah. Probably should’ve disclosed that on their first date. Sure, it never amounted to anything… especially after they both found the women of their dreams. Even if the latter did come with a wyv- Oh! Good morning, honey! Did I somehow wake you up? Oh. Breakfast is on the table. Though, I can warm it up for you. Oh. You’re eating it cold. You are feeling better at least? Good. The last couple days have been a bit on the long side for both of u- Hey. I’m in the middle of narrating something. At least wait till I’m done. Okay. Just one kiss. Uh… sorry about this reader.

“Once we get back, I’m going to need to talk to you two.” Byleth explained, gaze trying her hardest to not focus on their crotches at the moment. Yes Nyx, she doesn't know what a 'penis' is. I guess stuff like basic health classes aren't the sort of thing you have when you're a mercenary? Or perhaps she didn't care enough to pay attention to that. Oh. Good point. I hadn’t thought of that.

"About what?" Caspar shouted back, Mercedes's gaze already on the couple. You would think that would be enough to clue him in. But no, our fighter was absolutely oblivious to the consequences to his stunt from a couple of months ago. Which might be our problem here. So much stuff has gone down that something as simple as disciplinary action for stealing someone's car is seen as just a slap on the wrist. Or maybe that's just Byleth's trust of her students at work. Actually, scratch that second one. That might be giving too much credit to someone who doesn’t know the basics of how bodies work. But I digress.

As for what these two were doing before getting summoned, sleeping. Okay. Linhardt was sleeping at least. Caspar was trying to sleep. Well, key word being ‘trying’. Of course, someone else decided that today was the perfect date to just spring a surprise check-in on the fighter. Right after a shower no less. A shower that was more the result of trying to make sure that his boyfriend was clean as he could get for the weekend. Sure, Linhardt had made some fuss about having to take a shower and that he instead should be still ‘reading’ and/or ‘studying’. But then he reminded the scholar that there would be time for those things later. If he didn’t fall asleep first. Which was exactly what happened. So Caspar pulled him back into bed and made sure to pull up the covers. Simple, elementary stuff. Then he took his turn. Which was when his father decided to make his presence known once more. Because of course he had. Especially with both Bernadetta and Edelgard heading for Embarr for the former’s coronation. What followed, was less than pretty. But considering what happened last time they were together, that’s kind of expected. Not that he had the time to really dwell on it, since he and his boyfriend were flushed out to this foundry.

“So where is this wannabe suitor?” Ferdinand inquired, Hubert handing him a shirt. Except I think that’s his shirt instead of his boyfriend’s. Which just begs even more questions at the moment. Questions I’m not sure I have the ability to answer. At all. It’s one thing to arrive here partially dressed, it’s another to be in each other’s clothes with no real clue on whose clothes are which.

Right as he said that, what looked to be a group of hooligans came onto the scene. One or two of which were expertly dispatched by Catherine. Though, I’m not sure why Thunderbrand is all shaking about. Probably just the heat, which isn’t really affecting Sothis currently. Though, I don’t think that 3DS could say the same at the moment.

“Sothis, behind me.” Byleth barked, her adopted daughter floating behind her. At least walk on over to her like a normal person. Totally not because a certain someone has that ability and I don’t. Not at all...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In all seriousness, why is the meeting spot in the middle of an active volcano. I get they're reusing maps and all, but that seems like a good place to get yourself killed just getting to the predetermined spot.
> 
> At least it's one of the few maps that only shows up once on the Crimson Flower Route.
> 
> Next up, the actual paralogue itself.


	3. Through the fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we finish off this paralogue, but not without a couple incriminating snapshots.

I don't own fire emblem.

* * *

For the bandits that had appeared in this strange area, things could be better. For starters, this heat was absolutely awful. Could their supposed boss have chosen somewhere else to ambush these people? Like I don’t know… Outside the foundry. That has to be far more secluded with tons of places to pick people off. That wasn’t even factoring all the gear they had on them that couldn’t be dropped off for fear that it might be stolen. Great and all, up until you realize that some moron went through the trouble of putting down treasure chests of all things. Didn’t leave a single key. What were they supposed to do? Leave that stuff alone and hope to god that their targets had keys on hand.

“Can i get you anything?” a voice announced, our bandits turning to find Anna of all people. Except, she was decked out in one of those strange silver protective suits with a darkened visor. This was somehow not the weirdest part. Somehow, this shopkeeper had managed to get her truck into the foundry itself. Are there seriously no rules to this place? It would explain how everyone was able to get in without any fuss or alarms being raised by the huge number of people just poofing into what should be a highly guarded area. That was sadly not the case. Or perhaps it was and we just can’t see any of those security features.

“No. We’re all good.” one of the bandits announced, watching Anna head over to their opponents of all people. In the truck. Okay… Was it really too hard to just walk over and ask if people needed anything? Sure, you would still probably need to make a trip back to the truck to grab whatever that person and/or to do weapon repairs. Moving the truck around is just going to bring the risk of your vehicle getting set ablaze by molten metal or the heat alone. Possibly both.

“Is there I can get you people?” Anna announced once more, trying her hardest not to pay any attention to Caspar and Linhardt. “We are running a special on men’s clothes, can I interest anyone in someone?”

A couple gold coins fell to the tires of Anna’s truck. Wait. Has Byleth even been paid for this month? You would think Rhea could remember something simple like that. But no, everyone working at Gareg Mach suffers from some level of incompetence virus that clouds judgement. That’s the best we can come up with at the moment. We are taking suggestions for other explanations though.

“Just give me a sec.” Anna announced and got unbuckled. But not before grabbing something out of the back. Jumping back out of her vehicle, what looks to be two fig leaves wave about in her hands. Huh… I guess that technically counts as clothes? At least we won't have to deal with these two nude idiots any more. Hopefully. Knowing our

"Thank you." Byleth answered, grabbing the fig leaves. Didn’t even take the time to at least hand over the gold coins she dropped to the ground. Especially with the way those coins look ready to sizzle on the concrete. Wait. Would that make the sale invalid if that happened? I guess Anna could just raise the price and/or refuse service. That’s always an option here in this situation. Or just sell stuff that she knows is defective in the hopes of making even more money off of Byleth and company in the process. That was something ours sometimes did when she was in a mood. Which was quite often. Maybe if she didn’t have a habit of gloating about how many bars of gold she created from nothing while out grinding something called ‘supports’. Well, that was what Corrin called these bonding exercises at least. Personally, I’m not sure why she forced people to do a battle, have a nice conversation, then go out on two battles in a row and have a different conversation. Even then, I think she was also throwing gold around to actually start these fights. Like seriously, why are we running Bottomless Canyon park beating up on Hooligans? Shouldn’t we be doing other stuff? Like I don’t know, trying to 

Nonetheless, Byleth walked over to our nude pair. Then it's right back over to Dorothea, sword in hand. Just one itsy-bitsy issue, one brought about ironically by the very transportation method to this location. Sure, the Black Eagles had a handful of stone throwers, but where did that leave the rest of our heroes?

"Professor, where did our weapons go?" Petra announced as her gaze shifted over to Catherine and Byleth. The former just shrugged, while the latter just watched Anna's truck roll away. Oh dear. Sure, this was not quite how she expected her Saturday to go. Let alone with that strange teleport and getting a lesson in anatomy of all things. But right now, they needed to deal with this suitor. Even if that meant having to use nonconventional methods for this about.

"You're going to need to use whatever you have on you, Petra." the professor explained, getting a nod from the vassal. Then it’s right on the bandits. “Where’s your boss?”

The bandits rolled their eyes, their weapons coming out. Armed (as well as one could from the value weapon shop), they look itching for a fight. Even more so as the heat rises within the foundry proper - hot, scolding spots forming in some spots.

“What’s our plan?” Ingrid whispered and focused back on Byleth. While she had some idea of what needed to be done at the moment, maybe the professor had so-

Or not, since Byleth decided to just charge forward right for the nearest goon. At least that’s probably a different plan than the one Ingrid had thought. Especially since everyone’s mount isn't here either. Which is just one more thing on this strange and stupid mission at the moment. Because of course there needs to be just one more complication. Nonetheless, our stone throwers got to you know, stone throwing. Which in this strange environment, seemed to reach their targets just a bit faster. Which is handy with all the spots to burn someone to death. Actually, that sounds absolutely awful. Don’t get either of us wrong. We’ve killed people. It’s part of the job of being in the army and all. The first couple kills are always awful, but that’s nothing compared to the mess these people have going on around them in their regular lives just beyond this. It’s quite sobering. But I digress. Especially now that Nyx is laughing at me. What? I can be deep sometimes.

For the rest of our heroes, they were getting down and dirty with their fists. Please don’t lose anything. That would be absolutely awful and really hard to replace.

“Hi-yah!” Petra shouted, fist slamming directly into a bandit. Ducking out of the way, Mercedes’s whip collides with their stunned body. Right on too one of the hot spots to boot. That can’t be too great for the body. Yet our attention is on Ferdinand of all people. Not because he’s really doing anything of note. No, it just seems like all the bandits are focused on him.

“Hey. Ain’t that the guy who shouts his name?” a bandit inquired as his partner whipped his phone out. Snapping a quick shot, he looked to take a second glance towards it. “Wait… that black-haired guy looks awfully close to him.”

The first bandit looked towards his friend, then over to his target. Sure, Hubert was maybe standing a touch too close to Ferdinand for the moment. But there was no way that they would put two and two together. Right? These are bandits we’re talking about here. The dumbest of dumb. Such a thought would never cross their mind at all.

“Maybe they’re a couple.” the first bandit suggested, his friend typing something down. Oh dear, this is definitely not go-

A purple stone slammed into the bandit’s stomach. Knocked to the ground, Ferdinand managed to snatch his axe. Pulling it back, the cavalier made quick work of his opponent. But not before the photo got posted onto the wonderful world of the web. Where it can be seen by all and never be taken off of there. Though I do find the latter untrue. If that truly was the case, then the web would be really full and storage would be an issue. Or something like that. Not that this really matters at the moment. Mostly because Hubert is having to restrain his boyfriend from reducing the other bandit into a million pieces.

“Ferdinand!” the dark mage screeched, hands already pulling Ferdinand in. While his target was struggling at the moment, that was something he was going to need to quell. Sure, he was absolutely furious about all of this. While he preferred to keep his sexuality a secret, something told him that he was going to need to be at the ready. If nothing else, things were about to get shaken up.

Flipping his boyfriend around, Hubert took a deep breath. In the background, more bandits fell to the might of Ingrid, Byleth and Catherine. While their efforts were appreciated, something bigger hung on the horizon - Count Aegir. Knowing him, it was only a matter of days before he too decided to bring the hammer down on his own son and those around him.

“No matter what happens, I need you to trust me.” Hubert whispered, tears rolling down his face. While not one to “We’re going to make it through this. Hell or high water. Is that clear?”

Ferdinand nodded, Hubert’s grip releasing off of his body.

“Crystal.” Ferdinand explained and headed for the rest of our fighters. Hubert was right behind, along with the rest of the mages. Beyond that one moment, this has been pretty ea-

“There she is.” a voice announced, a wimpy looking dude coming through the exit. Clad in what looked to be one of those bodybuilder muscle costumes, he looks to be compensating for something major. Even more so with that oversized weapon of his. Seriously, that oversized spear looks like it would make you fall over than anything else. “Oh my. And Dorothea too. This is absolutely my dre-”

He doesn’t get to finish that sentence, one of Dorothea’s stones collides with his body and sends his sorry ass flying right into a vat of molten metal. He ain’t coming back from that. But not before dropping a ring. Nothing spectacular, it could make a good engagement ring.

“Ingrid, can I have this?” she inquired, getting a nod from the knight.

**Paralogue Complete!**

With that, the world began to swirl about once more. This time, it would seem that people were dropped back off at their respective rooms.

“Thanks for that.” Ingrid announced, shooting Dorothea a look as she headed on out. Uh, not sure what that was about. Maybe she was hoping to make this a threesome by some inexplicable chance? Oh well.

“Maybe a date some time in the future?” Dorothea suggested, Byleth’s face turning red as she made her exit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having played through this paralogue twice (Black Eagles & Blue Lions), I'm still not sure why the ambush is in a volcanic field. I would think anywhere else would work to their advantage.
> 
> Also, it's absolutely criminal that you can't make that proposal real by way of an A-Rank. Actually, why the fuck are a lot of these paired paralogues ones that end in a B-rank? Like seriously, there's a lot more potential to go here. Especially in this one.
> 
> Next Time, a birthday party going wrong. Then, we switch gears to check on Edelgard and Bernadetta with the fallout to that Bandit's tweet. And maybe, just maybe... a major sequence break.


End file.
